Just a couple of weeks ago, my partner found a small lump in my left ball. It was only a few mm across, but we knew it hadn’t been there before.
Within 90 minutes of the discovery, I was at my GP’s.
Within 24 hours I was getting ultrasound.
The afternoon after the ultrasound, my GP called me to come in to get the results.
There was a tumour hidden in the middle of my testicle and they wanted to check if there was any indication of spread through my lymph nodes, kidneys, and lungs. There was a strong chance I had testicular cancer.
Within 7 days, I was getting a CT scan of most of my body.
4 hours after the CT scan, I met a Urologist for the more detailed prognosis, and within the hour, I was booked in for surgery less than 4 days later.
I now have one less testicle. And in about a week (after the pathology), I’ll find out what kind of tumour it was.
I’ve not got private medical insurance. The public system was looking to be taking up to two months with all this, even for an urgent case.
Testicular cancer is one of the most common and serious cancers for men in NZ, but the most successful to be treated if dealt with early. So for about 3 months of my current wages in my house deposit savings, I went private. And I also hope not going on the public system will also enable someone else to now be seen and treated earlier.
Leftie was always the smaller of the two testicles. Never quite sitting in the same orientation as righty. Righty I could flex and lift by clenching, leftie never quite so much. I’m sure in the recent weeks though, leftie had been getting noticeably smaller.
Fortunately, my partner had taken a great deal of interest in my cock and balls during our relationship. Last week, what I thought was all lovely intimacy actually involved about five minutes of her checking and comparing after she’d felt something untoward. We stopped for her to tell me she’d found a lump. I’m really glad she did.
It later turned out the lump she found was just a harmless cyst, but without finding that, I wouldn’t have had the scans and the tumours would not have been discovered.
I do check my balls every couple of months or so, but not as often or as carefully as I should, and I certainly don’t get regular ultrasounds because, of course, I didn’t think this would be happening to me. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I exercise often, I eat a predominately healthy diet; I try to look after myself in various ways.
I’ve tried to lead a life without regret for what I didn’t do. Trying to make the most of each opportunity, dreaming for the future, working towards my goals, and attempting to be in the present.
I’ve also put up with a lot of unnecessary stress, predominantly from people who have done little but drain me: people who take rather than receive.
I’ve always tried to be empathetic and caring. In the past few years, but particularly these past two weeks, I’ve learnt far more about walking away.
I’ve realised it’s been more important to look after myself than feed energy to people who are unlikely to ever get better from it.
If I can’t look out for myself, I won’t be able to be there for the people I do care about.
Having my mortality so on my mind has really encouraged me to make the most of whatever time I may have. Even if I do make it to old age, my time is still limited. And I’ll never be as young again as I am now, with the same opportunities I now have.
As well as hopefully ridding my body of cancer, to really know when it’s better to say no, I’m okay with giving up my left testicle.
The importance of keeping a regular check on my body, and when to put my time and energy first, are two lessons I have really learnt these past two weeks.
The place where leftie was, will be an ongoing reminder.
Edited: 29th November:
The weirdest thing is now seeing my balls being featured so much in my news feed!
Thank you so much for all the support and loves. I do hope it has inspired someone at least to check themselves over.